Self Esteem

“Once you discover your true worth, walking away from where you are not valued will become the easiest hard thing you will ever do.” Stace Morris

Self esteem is knowing that you have intrinsic value. Easy to define, perhaps, but not to be taken for granted.

In Western culture, we have normalized what Pia Mellody calls “other-esteem.” In her book “Facing Codependence”, she explains that other-esteem is basing your self worth on what other people think.

If your sense of value is contingent on what others think, consider how that might motivate your behavior. You’ll probably work hard to suit the people around you, even at the expense of your own well-being (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc). You’ll try to prove that you’re good enough to be valued by them, even if you need to deny your own needs. You’ll always be waiting for someone else’s approval to feel good about yourself. This takes a toll on your self respect and decreases your sense of value.

What if you valued yourself from within, and experienced self esteem? You'd feel self-love and respect for who you are.

This feeling would motivate your behavior, and you would expend effort to take care of yourself. You would take advantage of opportunities that are good for you, and reject those which are not. You would know that your worth does not increase or decrease because of external factors like success, failure, career, personality, or beauty.

Every human being has intrinsic value. Learn more about self-esteem and how to create it by watching Pia Mellody speak here.

Self-Care Means Less Stress

Are you feeling stressed?

Are you saying “yes” when you wish you said “no”?

Are you taking care of others’ needs before your own?

Have you been relying on someone else to take care of your needs?

Well, perhaps you need to stop and make sure your needs are being met. This is called ‘self-care’.
The ‘self’ part of self-care is that you are the one who takes care of you.
The ‘care’ part of self-care is what you need to take care of.

So what it self-care?
Basic needs first. Sufficient sleep, nourishing food, good hygiene.

Then, your emotional needs. Make time for yourself. Spend time with people who you like to be around. Find someone who can listen when you need to talk.

When you take care of your needs first, you’ll have more energy to give to others.

If you’re not convinced, think of the safety instructions in your last flight:

“If you are an adult traveling with a child, put on your oxygen mask first, then put on the child’s mask.”

If you need ideas about what self-care is for you, take out some crayons or a journal, and draw or write whatever comes to mind when you think of taking care of yourself. After you're done, see if you can practice some self-care today!

New Support Group for Women - Rising From Divorce

If you’ve been through a divorce,or in the process of divorce, you know how lonely, isolating and frightening it can be. The person that you once were and the life that you once had no longer exist and it is up to you to rebuild yourself and your family on solid ground. Healing from divorce takes time, energy and resources. This support group will help you to build hope, strength and inspiration, as well as give you practical tools to deal with your many challenges. You will meet other women who share and understand your struggles and will no longer be alone in your process of healing.

In addition to providing emotional support to women who are dealing with divorce, this support group is topic-based, with a focus on building skills to cope with long and short term effects of divorce. Each week we will discuss a particular topic of interest. For example, we might talk about how to cope with loneliness, financial strain, emotional pain, or joint custody as well as other topics that are of interest to the participants.

Meeting bi-monthly (every other week) on Wednesday mornings at 10:30 - 11:15 am at The Place, The Jerusalem Centre for Emotional Wellbeing. For directions, click here. The first group starts on Wednesday, March 2, 2016. The cost is 30 nis.

The group is open to women of all ages who have been divorced or are finalizing their divorce.

Motivation Matrix Model by Dr. Jim Taylor

What Change Would You Make?

"The starting point of all achievement is desire." --Napoleon Hill

Old habits die hard, right? It’s easy to stick to the status quo, to resist change.

Change is the process of moving to a new and different state of things. Change is your capacity to learn and integrate new information.

Because opportunities for change bring up uncertainty, you might find that change makes you anxious. That’s pretty normal. Don’t let that stop you, though. Instead, think of what would motivate you to change.

Here are a couple of questions to ask yourself:

1. What is it that you want to change? (Identify the direction that you want to take)

2. Why is this important for you? (The more you believe you will benefit, the easier it is to do the work)

3. What will motivate you to make the change? (The more motivated you are, the more you will succeed)

4. How is your behavior showing your resistance to this change? (Are you making excuses, complaining about it, worrying, or ignoring the need for change)

5. What step(s) can you take to start in the direction of this change?

Click on the link to see Dr. Jim Taylor Motivation Matrix model, which explains how your source of motivation will affect the outcome of your actions. It's a really interesting chart.

Perhaps there is nothing in your life that you’d like to change. In that case, I challenge you to learn something new. I just finished reading “Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain” by Betty Edwards (click below to purchase on Amazon). This excellent book can teach you how to draw, no matter your level of skill or talent.

What do you want to learn or change today?

You in 10 Years - A Survey to Get You Thinking

Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey , the world's leading questionnaire tool.

New Year, So What?

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years” – Abraham Lincoln

Ready or not, 2015 is here.

In the past week, you might have heard family or friends enthusiastically share their New Year’s resolutions.

If making resolutions doesn’t sound exciting to you, you are not alone. Many people find it downright difficult to create new resolutions when they’ve done so many times and they’re still not perfect! Other people are overwhelmed by the challenge of figuring out what and how to change, or find life too busy to think about the future.

Here are two short writing exercises that can clarify for you what you want in your life, and shift your focus from short-term goals to long term ambitions. Let your resolution this year be to find out who you want to be.

1. Imagine yourself in the distant future – say 20 or 30 years from now. See yourself at that time living the way you want to live. What do you look like? What do you feel like? How do you describe yourself? Where do you live? Is anyone with you? What does your spiritual life look like? What is your financial situation? How do you spend your time? Take out a pen and paper after you’ve done some daydreaming and write it all down, with lots of detail!

2. Write your bucket list - A bucket list is a list of all the things you want to do in your lifetime. Block out 15 – 30 minutes to start your list and challenge yourself to think of 100 items! For ideas, take a look at www.bucketlist.org.

When I wrote my first bucket list, I surprised myself when I let my imagination take off. I was even more surprised when I crossed some items off in the next few years – and learned the lesson that if you dream it, you might just achieve it!