יום הזכרון

Today, in Israel, it is Yom Hazikaron, Memorial Day.       

At 11:00 AM this morning the siren rang, for a long moment.

To remember those who gave up their lives for this country. How important it is to remember, because the present is built on the past.

Ironically, I was just reading a chapter on memory in Dan Seigel’s book, The Whole Brain Child, where he explains that parents can teach their children how to benefit from remembering. Instead of letting painful memories burden us, we can use the power of recall to reprocess those experiences.

Dan writes “Sometimes parents hope that their children will “just forget about” painful experiences… what kids really need is… healthy ways to integrate implicit and explicit memories, turning even painful experiences into sources of power and self-understanding (page 77).”

So true - for children and adults, too. What memory do you need to remember and integrate into your life story?

Top 10 Tips to Fight Procrastination

When you've been singing "Tomorrow, tomorrow" for too long, take a look at these tips that can help you nip procrastination in the bud!

1. Break up a large task into smaller actions – it will be less overwhelming.
2. Become accountable to someone. Tell a friend to call tomorrow to check in on your progress.
3. Choose a reward that you like (chocolate, anyone?) and cash in after you’ve completed the task.
4. Imagine how great you’ll feel when you’ve gotten it done.
5. Identify what tends to get in the way, and then set yourself up for success by removing those distractions. This might mean turning off your phone, folks!
6. Create a deadline and commit to getting it done in time.
7. Remember that pushing it off will create more work for you later.
8. Forget about doing it perfectly. Let yourself be satisfied with an okay job.
9. You might be procrastinating because you don’t know how to get the job done by yourself. Don’t be ashamed to reach out and ask for help.
10. Do it right now. Yes, stop reading this list and go do what you’ve been pushing off.

Top 10 Professionals at risk of burnout

1. Doctors
2. Nurses
3. Social workers
4. Teachers
5. Principals
6. Lawyers
7. Police officers
8. Accountants
9. Fast food workers
10. Retail clerks

Feeling Depleted?

“Burnout is not a condition that gets better by being ignored.” - Herbert Freudenberger

This morning at work, I noticed that my internet stick wasn’t working properly. The connection was flaking in and out. I touched the device, and it was hot to the touch. I disconnected it, let it cool off, and a few minutes later tried again. Whaddaya know? It still didn’t work.

That wasn’t funny. What was, was that I was in middle of writing an article about burnout (yes, this article).

Before I tackle that lovely metaphor, let’s start at the beginning.

What is burnout?

According to merriam-webster.com, burnout is “the condition of someone who has become very physically and emotionally tired after doing a difficult job for a long time.” Burnout is characterized by exhaustion and an inability to maintain previous levels of functioning. While certain professions have higher levels of burnout, anyone can experience burnout when they are under continual stress, work long hours, and feel unappreciated.

If this sounds familiar, you might want to take a online self-test to check your risk for burnout.

My net stick did start working again. But not right away. If you are feeling burnt out, you need support. It might be helpful to take time off of work, reevaluate your priorities, or make an appointment to see a mental health professional. Take the time to take care of you.

Self Esteem

“Once you discover your true worth, walking away from where you are not valued will become the easiest hard thing you will ever do.” Stace Morris

Self esteem is knowing that you have intrinsic value. Easy to define, perhaps, but not to be taken for granted.

In Western culture, we have normalized what Pia Mellody calls “other-esteem.” In her book “Facing Codependence”, she explains that other-esteem is basing your self worth on what other people think.

If your sense of value is contingent on what others think, consider how that might motivate your behavior. You’ll probably work hard to suit the people around you, even at the expense of your own well-being (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc). You’ll try to prove that you’re good enough to be valued by them, even if you need to deny your own needs. You’ll always be waiting for someone else’s approval to feel good about yourself. This takes a toll on your self respect and decreases your sense of value.

What if you valued yourself from within, and experienced self esteem? You'd feel self-love and respect for who you are.

This feeling would motivate your behavior, and you would expend effort to take care of yourself. You would take advantage of opportunities that are good for you, and reject those which are not. You would know that your worth does not increase or decrease because of external factors like success, failure, career, personality, or beauty.

Every human being has intrinsic value. Learn more about self-esteem and how to create it by watching Pia Mellody speak here.

Self-Care Means Less Stress

Are you feeling stressed?

Are you saying “yes” when you wish you said “no”?

Are you taking care of others’ needs before your own?

Have you been relying on someone else to take care of your needs?

Well, perhaps you need to stop and make sure your needs are being met. This is called ‘self-care’.
The ‘self’ part of self-care is that you are the one who takes care of you.
The ‘care’ part of self-care is what you need to take care of.

So what it self-care?
Basic needs first. Sufficient sleep, nourishing food, good hygiene.

Then, your emotional needs. Make time for yourself. Spend time with people who you like to be around. Find someone who can listen when you need to talk.

When you take care of your needs first, you’ll have more energy to give to others.

If you’re not convinced, think of the safety instructions in your last flight:

“If you are an adult traveling with a child, put on your oxygen mask first, then put on the child’s mask.”

If you need ideas about what self-care is for you, take out some crayons or a journal, and draw or write whatever comes to mind when you think of taking care of yourself. After you're done, see if you can practice some self-care today!

New Support Group for Women - Rising From Divorce

If you’ve been through a divorce,or in the process of divorce, you know how lonely, isolating and frightening it can be. The person that you once were and the life that you once had no longer exist and it is up to you to rebuild yourself and your family on solid ground. Healing from divorce takes time, energy and resources. This support group will help you to build hope, strength and inspiration, as well as give you practical tools to deal with your many challenges. You will meet other women who share and understand your struggles and will no longer be alone in your process of healing.

In addition to providing emotional support to women who are dealing with divorce, this support group is topic-based, with a focus on building skills to cope with long and short term effects of divorce. Each week we will discuss a particular topic of interest. For example, we might talk about how to cope with loneliness, financial strain, emotional pain, or joint custody as well as other topics that are of interest to the participants.

Meeting bi-monthly (every other week) on Wednesday mornings at 10:30 - 11:15 am at The Place, The Jerusalem Centre for Emotional Wellbeing. For directions, click here. The first group starts on Wednesday, March 2, 2016. The cost is 30 nis.

The group is open to women of all ages who have been divorced or are finalizing their divorce.