“Once you discover your true worth, walking away from where you are not valued will become the easiest hard thing you will ever do.” Stace Morris
Self esteem is knowing that you have intrinsic value. Easy to define, perhaps, but not to be taken for granted.
In Western culture, we have normalized what Pia Mellody calls “other-esteem.” In her book “Facing Codependence”, she explains that other-esteem is basing your self worth on what other people think.
If your sense of value is contingent on what others think, consider how that might motivate your behavior. You’ll probably work hard to suit the people around you, even at the expense of your own well-being (physical, emotional, spiritual, etc). You’ll try to prove that you’re good enough to be valued by them, even if you need to deny your own needs. You’ll always be waiting for someone else’s approval to feel good about yourself. This takes a toll on your self respect and decreases your sense of value.
What if you valued yourself from within, and experienced self esteem? You'd feel self-love and respect for who you are.
This feeling would motivate your behavior, and you would expend effort to take care of yourself. You would take advantage of opportunities that are good for you, and reject those which are not. You would know that your worth does not increase or decrease because of external factors like success, failure, career, personality, or beauty.
Every human being has intrinsic value. Learn more about self-esteem and how to create it by watching Pia Mellody speak here.
